Am I Blue?

Molly Ellrodt
809
10/1/12
Reading Response #5- Am I Blue?

       In the story "Am I Blue?" by Bruce Coville, the questions of sexuality and identity are explored. Also, the problem of being bullied because you are possibly gay and the reasons for the bad treatment are explored. I think a lot of the time when people feel seriously self conscious about something, they take their anger out on someone else and they end up making that person feel worse about themselves then they do. I think this is the wrong thing to do and I think it's cruel. I also think that the person shouldn't feel self concious and they should just feel okay with being who they truly are.

       In the story, Butch and Vince ( the main character) are around sixteen years old. Butch makes fun of and bullies Vince for his possible sexuality difference. In the first scene of the story, Vince was just slammed face-down into a puddle by Butch. Then someone walks over to Vince to try and help him up. After a bit of talking between Vince and this guy, Vince finds out that this man is his "Fairy Godfather". His fairy godfather is there to help him with his problems. Vince also learns that his fairy god father is both a dead and gay man. The fairy godfather's name is Melvin. Melvin has what he calls a gaydar. His gaydar is where he can tell who around him is gay. Any gay man appears as a hue of blue. Just like some people have dark skin and some people have light skin, Melvin sees these men blue. The lighter the blue the less committed the man is to be gay and vice versa. Melvin gives Vince three wishes that he will gladly grant. One of Vince's wishes is to make everyone see gays with tints of blue for one day. Then Vince uses his second one to make Butch appear blue on the same day. When Melvin comes back to Vince after granting the wishes he has some news. He tells Vince that his second wish couldn't be completed because Butch was already as blue as the sky. This is a very ironic revelation and it brings up many questions one of which is: Why is Butch so mean to Vince if he too is gay?

       Obviously Butch is uncomfortable or ashamed to be gay or he wouldn't conceal himself so much. As i stated earlier, in times of anger or embarrassment sometimes people feel the need to put someone else down and make them suffer more than they are suffering. In this case, Butch, I infer, was ashamed and self conscious about being gay. This relates  to my statement because since Butch felt embarrassed, he wanted to make someone else (Vince) feel bad about them self so Butch made fun of Vince. I think he picked to bully Vince for a reason; reason being that Butch didn't want anyone suspecting his sexuality secret so he bullied a gay teenager so it made it look like Butch had something against gays. This would decrease the assumption of him being gay. I think it would've been easier to not try so hard to hide and just be the person he really is. After all, him concealing himself made the fact that everyone found out harder on him than it needed to be.

       In conclusion, the main lesson i learned is to not be afraid to show the real you and just be yourself. i also saw that in the story, Butch didn't get anything out of bullying Vince. In the grand scheme of things, it made it worse and harder on him. Even if he kept his secret for a while, someone, somehow would have found out anyway. I wonder what made Butch feel so ashamed of who he is. Whether he didn't like the fact that he was different or maybe his friends or family said something against gay men to make him feel that way. All in all, don't be mean to someone else just because something is putting you down. Face your problems, don't try to run away from them or make them go away. No matter what, your life will never be perfect.